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review courtesy of thepornreviews.com
Each week I will review a film - but not your typical movie review! I will give you MY reasons for picking it, MY reasons for judgment and MY reasons for liking/disliking it. I will pull no punches and tell you how it truly is. Unlike other news media, I don't work for the studios so I have no vested interest in kissing their ass!
Movie: The Greatest Squirters Ever
Director: N/A
Performers: Cytherea,Roxanne Hall,Arnold Schwartzenpecker,Frank Gun,Tiana Lynn,Kris Slater,Jake Malone,Ariana Jollee,Kyle Stone,Angela Stone,Flower Tucci,Sammie Rhodes,Lee Stone,Kat,Billy Glyde
Length: 2h 59m.
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Review: I'm going to honest with you; I don't know how some ladies manage to squirt the way they do.I've heard theories ranging from the believable to the out-fucking-rageous; G-spot manipulation tops the list of possibilities, followed by simple pissing, and then by water loading (think turkey baster).Frankly, I doubt I'll ever unlock the machinations behind this awe-inspiring phenomenon; what I do know, however, is that when these babes blast hood, they do it in a big BIG way. I'm talking about busting clams a clear eight feet; to be utterly candid, these chicks stucco the ceiling with their cooze sauce. Friends, welcome to exploding vaginas 101, World War Wet: the final assault on common sense. And it's payback time. For centuries us fellas have had the pleasure of nuking dames with our facial-enabled nuts. With the advent of female ejaculation, the tables have been turnedư with a vengeance. Naturally, this genre is not for the faint of heart; if watersports turn you off, this genre may very well evoke a 'Oh gawd, that's gross' reaction. (Squirting scenes are 50% of the time indistinguishable from watersport scenes.) This being said, if I'm looking for geysers, I want pussy eruptions to rival Yellowstone's Old Faithful. Good news, the DVD The Greatest Squirters Ever literally exemplifies its niche. Here we have a 'best of' collection, drawing scenes from such titles as Squirtwoman 2, Big Wet Asses 6, Swallow My Squirt, and Flower's Squirt Shower just to mention a few. More good news, everything leading up to, during, and taking place after the grand pussy venting, is hardcore fare, smut worthy of the basest hardcore accolades. There's balls deep anal, long throated blowjobs, tag-team cluster fucks of every configuration, all sopping wet and real shinny. It's graphic and raw, but that's sort of the point. I was particularly impressed with the lesbian content. Nothing says intimacy like hosing down your girlfriend's tits in twat spunk. And the fact that we have top notch pornstars like Flower Tucci and Ariana Jollee milking monstrous muff wads, well, this shit is a safe bet for those ejaculate-minded.
Continue Reading for the full-scene breakdown |
Scene 1:
This scene is what orgies must have looked like in Atlantis while it was sinking. Two babes + two honking schlongs = a cacophony of cumshots so deafening it might have disturbed slumbering Cthulhu from his eternal sleep. Oh oh.
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Scene 2:
Muff divers, au jus? Yes please. I have to say Tiana Lynn and Kris Slater steal the scene away from Cytherea, not to say she doesn't have her hole-pumping part to play.
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Scene 3:
Ass-play, how did I ever masturbate without you? Seriously, nothing gets the old arm pumping hard like some god-sent slut plugging sphincter. And the fact that the hole in question is awash is snapper grease seals the deal in this reviewer's mind. Tiana Lynn, gold star!
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Scene 4:
Okay, this is perhaps my favourite scene of the DVD. These folks can fuck and fuck they do, in the ass, in the mouth, hell, even some souls get cornholed. The teamwork is seamless; at one point it's as if they're one multi-limbed entity trying to drown itself.
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Scene 5:
I love it when you can 'feel the fun' being had. Straight up, I don't know what I enjoyed more, the bungus being ploughed or the sprinklers being sprung.
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Scene 6:
Another killer scene. This must be dehydrating work, like running a marathon through Death Valley.
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Scene 7:
I can't stress this enough, vaginas are new the supernovas!
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OverallThe Greatest Squirters Ever earns its illustrious title with super-soaking sexual mayhem. Simply put, if you're a fan of this genre, this DVD is a must, a classic. Way to push that envelope, people.
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